[Emily Nagoski] free Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life E-pub


Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

FREE READ ï Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life DOWNLOAD Ò CHEM-MOSKOW.RU  Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski  1 FREE READ Er thought possible and Come as You Are explains it allThe first lesson in this essential transformative book by Dr Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own uniue sexuality like a fingerprint and that women vary than men in our anatomy our sexual response mechanisms and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences Because women vary and that’s normalSecond lesson sex happens in a context And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s a. The information in this book is solid gold A copy should be put in the hands of every person ideally before they ve had sexual contact with another person But BUT The metaphors Dear Lord the metaphors We have sexuality as an accelerator and brakes sexuality as an overgrown garden sexuality as a hot water heater complex feelings as a sleeping hedgehog sexual interest as a customers seeking a diner sexual expectations as a touchy monitor tapping her fingernails our brains as a flock of birds and SO MANY OTHERS I CAN T EVEN REMEMBER I understand and applaud what Nagoski is doing in terms of wanting to convey big complicated cognitive functions in relatable prose But it touches a nerve for me when writers anthropomorphize female sexuality I find it infantilizing I m a big girl just tell me what my brain is doing I can read about chemicals and neurons and whatnot I don t need to imagine my brain as a lion and my pelvis as a caveman or whatever other nonsense So 5 stars for the content 4 stars for the chatty conversational writing style which did not annoy me but will probably polarize some readers and 1 star for the overworked metaphors Something in the Wine The Moonstone Series #1 gold A copy should be put in the hands of every person ideally before they ve had sexual contact with another person But BUT The metaphors Dear Lord the metaphors We have sexuality as an accelerator and brakes sexuality as an overgrown Empire State Building: The Making of a Landmark garden sexuality as a hot water heater complex feelings as a sleeping hedgehog sexual interest as a customers seeking a diner sexual expectations as a touchy monitor tapping her fingernails our brains as a flock of birds and SO MANY OTHERS I CAN T EVEN REMEMBER I understand and applaud what Nagoski is doing in terms of wanting to convey big complicated cognitive functions in relatable prose But it touches a nerve for me when writers anthropomorphize female sexuality I find it infantilizing I m a big I Love You Almost Always girl just tell me what my brain is doing I can read about chemicals and neurons and whatnot I don t need to imagine my brain as a lion and my pelvis as a caveman or whatever other nonsense So 5 stars for the content 4 stars for the chatty conversational writing style which did not annoy me but will probably polarize some readers and 1 star for the overworked metaphors

DOWNLOAD Ò CHEM-MOSKOW.RU Â Emily Nagoski

FREE READ ï Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life DOWNLOAD Ò CHEM-MOSKOW.RU  Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski  1 FREE READ An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works based on groundbreaking research and brain science that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joyResearchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men So where is it Well for reasons this book makes crystal clear that pill will never exist but as a result of the research that’s gone into it scientists in the last few years have learned about how women’s sexuality works than we ev. All right so this is not the book I thought it was when I got it and I apologise for a rating that would surely be higher if I were part of the target audience I was hoping it was a survey of the latest scientific research into arousal disorders and sexuality in fact it s a very selective presentation of those pieces of research that are considered helpful in promoting women s sexual well being autonomy and pleasure Studies however revealing which do not promote such things are ignored In other words the book is primarily therapy not science Perhaps not surprising given that the author is a sex therapist but I hadn t realised that I thought she was a researcherI ve been very intentional about the empirical details I ve included or excluded I asked myself Does this fact help women have better sex lives or is it just a totally fascinating and important empirical puzzle And I cut the puzzlesThis means that although there is some useful information here it is interspersed with a lot of rather irritating vaguely encouraging bullshit about living with confidence and joy inside your body reassurances that you are all normal all beautiful and exhortations to listen with your heart not with your fear Naturally as a British passport holder I cannot read this stuff without feeling my toes clench and my testicles retract into my body and the narrative tone doesn t help either Nagoski writes in the earnest chatty way of someone trying to write a book for people who don t read books with lots of forcedly collouial comments like Wait what and For realsie real OK fine I am clearly not the target audience I get that but for me it gets incredibly grating when every hint of scientific information is hedged around with encouragements and stupid metaphors and open condescension before a section on the hedonic centres of the mesolimbic cortex which Nagoski calls your emotional One Ring she warns It gets pretty nerdy here Ready Okay and afterwards pats us on the head by asking Did you make it Phew That was the hard part Nice job Gee thanks Dr NagoskiAristophanes in Plato s Symposium and for those of you who very understandably just fell asleep replace that with the song The Origin of Love from John Cameron Mitchell s Hedwig and the Angry Itch offers this parable about why humans love Really What I found so infuriating about all this is the implied gendering of her tone it s somehow pitched at a certain idea of women as though they have no interest in hard science and need their research presented in the form of a Cosmo uiz It s really outrageous I don t know if I should be taking it as some reflection on the state of US science education but the total horror of any scientific terminology combined with the girlfriends chatting over a Manhattan tone just left a really bad taste in the mouth Men come off no better Nagoski writes that she has to translate the science of women s sexual well being into Manly Fix It Dude Speak to talk to her clients partnersThe reason this is so frustrating is that the actual research presented is pretty important and in some cases not so well known The two presiding ideas in the book I think are the concept of responsive v spontaneous desire and the dual control model of sexual arousal The terms responsive desire and spontaneous desire have been floating around for over a decade now I think the key paper was Basson et al 2003 although Nagoski says they were coined by Ellen Laan and Stephanie Both which may be true Laan is one of the authors of that paper The basic idea is that while some people can get turned on while walking down the street or doing the dishes for others it s something that only happens in response to situations that have already been made explicitly erotic Arousal first desire secondThe disparity between these different kinds of desire is of course behind a lot of relationship stresses whence Nagoski s clinical interest For her what s important here is to point out that responsive desire is perfectly OK and is not the same as low desire A woman can be perfectly normal and healthy and never experience spontaneous sexual desire Instead she may experience responsive desire in which her desire emerges only in a highly erotic contextShe writes a woman and there may well be a sex divide Nagoski estimates on somewhat shaky data because research into this is limited that five percent of men and thirty percent of women have responsive desire compared with seventy five percent of men and five percent of women whose desire is spontaneous This leaves most women and twenty percent of men whose desire style changes based on the context a rather large amount which does slightly throw the whole model into uestion Asexuality is not addressed Nagoski is understandably worried about the idea that sexual desire which differs from the male norm is pathologised as broken or defective in some way something to be fixed by taking a so far mythical pill she wrote an op ed piece for the New York Times back in February on this subjectIt s all good stuff and it s certainly a vocabulary that people should have at their disposal However it should be noted that other models of sexual desire are available It s also worth saying that all we are really doing here is playing semantics Thinking about responsive desire as a thing might help people to feel better about themselves and not to feel broken which is good and they re not but it doesn t really say anything about what s actually going on What affects whether desire is spontaneous or responsive Hormones Neurology Upbringing CultureThis semantics issue is something the whole book suffers from same goes for her long and heartfelt rant about why we do not have a sex drive but rather an incentive motivation system For the life of me after reading that section several times I couldn t work out what the difference was supposed to be Even than responsive desire Nagoski is excited about something called the Dual Control Model of Arousal This is the idea developed by two researchers at the Kinsey Institute in 2006 the paper s here and essentially what it does is to consider libido in terms of those psychosomatic processes that promote sexual arousal and in terms of those that restrain it The paper posits a Sexual Excitation System SES on the one hand and a Sexual Inhibition System SIS on the other Nagoski calls them the accelerators and the brakes The SES is that part of you that constantly scans your thoughts and the world around you for sexually relevant data the SIS is not inhibitions in the layman s sense but a necessary consideration of negative conseuences of any sexual activity whether medical social psychological or whateverConceptualising things in this way turns out to add uite a lot of nuance to how we think about arousal People with arousal problems differ fundamentally in where the issue lies some have a low SES ie not many things actually turn them on in principle while others have a very rich SES but just a highly sensitive inhibition system which stops them reacting as fully as they otherwise might unless conditions are ideal Similarly sexual risk taking like unprotected sex cheating and so on is sometimes correlated with low SIS and sometimes with abnormally high SESNagoski very sensibly suggests that a prereuisite to overcoming arousal problems is understanding one s own SES and SIS getting familiar with what exactly it is that turns you on and turns you off and creating contexts where the former are maximised and the latter minimised There are lots of interesting studies that bear on these ideas in various ways It was found for example that wearing socks made it easier for women to orgasm while masturbating in a brain imaging machine This is not because there are sock fetishists than previously appreciated but simply because it s distracting if you have cold feet and depending on your personal SIS little distractions of this kind can add up fast especially one presumes when trying to get off inside a brain imaging machineIt s clear that Nagoski wants to back up her ideas by using interviews with her clients to demonstrate how helpful these concepts can be And some interviews like this would indeed have been great books like Brett Kahr s Sex and the Psyche show how well clinical transcripts can work in books of this kind But pleading confidentiality issues Nagoski instead invents fictional couples who she says are composites of the many people she has treated in real life and the book is interspersed with transcripts of how these fictional people were fictionally treated Reading these made up conversations with made up couples who nod and gasp appropriately at all her revelations is an exercise in pure frustrationThere were times when I wanted to throw this book across the room and it s only thanks to the good fortune that I was reading it on my iPad that I was forced to press on Nevertheless there are small parts of it that I d like to cut out and circulate to everyone I know so it is an odd mix Parts of the book I mean not my iPad Nagoski is after all basically coming from the right place and talking about the right things and she s not afraid of making some big claims for her field eitherDo I think that living with confidence and joy and respecting everyone s sexual autonomy could play a role in preventing cancer solving the climate crisis or building world peace Yes actuallyNo way I can one star a book saying something as close to my heart as that And I guess if what you want is something therapeutic rather than just informative then this will fit the bill pretty well Still despite all the interesting material to be uncovered in here it is hard to shake off the vague feeling that you re getting a lecture on sexual dysfunction from a children s television presenterOct 2015 Winds of Enchantment groundbreaking research and brain science that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joyResearchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men So where is it Well for reasons this book makes crystal clear that pill will never exist but as a result of the research that’s The Odds Against gone into it scientists in the last few years have learned about how women’s sexuality works than we ev. All right so this is not the book I thought it was when I Tokyo Kill got it and I apologise for a rating that would surely be higher if I were part of the target audience I was hoping it was a survey of the latest scientific research into arousal disorders and sexuality in fact it s a very selective presentation of those pieces of research that are considered helpful in promoting women s sexual well being autonomy and pleasure Studies however revealing which do not promote such things are ignored In other words the book is primarily therapy not science Perhaps not surprising Unbroken The Reaper Diaries #3 given that the author is a sex therapist but I hadn t realised that I thought she was a researcherI ve been very intentional about the empirical details I ve included or excluded I asked myself Does this fact help women have better sex lives or is it just a totally fascinating and important empirical puzzle And I cut the puzzlesThis means that although there is some useful information here it is interspersed with a lot of rather irritating vaguely encouraging bullshit about living with confidence and joy inside your body reassurances that you are all normal all beautiful and exhortations to listen with your heart not with your fear Naturally as a British passport holder I cannot read this stuff without feeling my toes clench and my testicles retract into my body and the narrative tone doesn t help either Nagoski writes in the earnest chatty way of someone trying to write a book for people who don t read books with lots of forcedly collouial comments like Wait what and For realsie real OK fine I am clearly not the target audience I Bhishma an Enigma get that but for me it The Art of Loving gets incredibly Jack Kerouac grating when every hint of scientific information is hedged around with encouragements and stupid metaphors and open condescension before a section on the hedonic centres of the mesolimbic cortex which Nagoski calls your emotional One Ring she warns It Reputation gendering of her tone it s somehow pitched at a certain idea of women as though they have no interest in hard science and need their research presented in the form of a Cosmo uiz It s really outrageous I don t know if I should be taking it as some reflection on the state of US science education but the total horror of any scientific terminology combined with the Alfablot girlfriends chatting over a Manhattan tone just left a really bad taste in the mouth Men come off no better Nagoski writes that she has to translate the science of women s sexual well being into Manly Fix It Dude Speak to talk to her clients partnersThe reason this is so frustrating is that the actual research presented is pretty important and in some cases not so well known The two presiding ideas in the book I think are the concept of responsive v spontaneous desire and the dual control model of sexual arousal The terms responsive desire and spontaneous desire have been floating around for over a decade now I think the key paper was Basson et al 2003 although Nagoski says they were coined by Ellen Laan and Stephanie Both which may be true Laan is one of the authors of that paper The basic idea is that while some people can Wild Gypsy Rose (Royals of Cardenas Book 4) get turned on while walking down the street or doing the dishes for others it s something that only happens in response to situations that have already been made explicitly erotic Arousal first desire secondThe disparity between these different kinds of desire is of course behind a lot of relationship stresses whence Nagoski s clinical interest For her what s important here is to point out that responsive desire is perfectly OK and is not the same as low desire A woman can be perfectly normal and healthy and never experience spontaneous sexual desire Instead she may experience responsive desire in which her desire emerges only in a highly erotic contextShe writes a woman and there may well be a sex divide Nagoski estimates on somewhat shaky data because research into this is limited that five percent of men and thirty percent of women have responsive desire compared with seventy five percent of men and five percent of women whose desire is spontaneous This leaves most women and twenty percent of men whose desire style changes based on the context a rather large amount which does slightly throw the whole model into uestion Asexuality is not addressed Nagoski is understandably worried about the idea that sexual desire which differs from the male norm is pathologised as broken or defective in some way something to be fixed by taking a so far mythical pill she wrote an op ed piece for the New York Times back in February on this subjectIt s all Heads of the Colored People good stuff and it s certainly a vocabulary that people should have at their disposal However it should be noted that other models of sexual desire are available It s also worth saying that all we are really doing here is playing semantics Thinking about responsive desire as a thing might help people to feel better about themselves and not to feel broken which is The Syrian Rebellion going on What affects whether desire is spontaneous or responsive Hormones Neurology Upbringing CultureThis semantics issue is something the whole book suffers from same Lovers Destined getting familiar with what exactly it is that turns you on and turns you off and creating contexts where the former are maximised and the latter minimised There are lots of interesting studies that bear on these ideas in various ways It was found for example that wearing socks made it easier for women to orgasm while masturbating in a brain imaging machine This is not because there are sock fetishists than previously appreciated but simply because it s distracting if you have cold feet and depending on your personal SIS little distractions of this kind can add up fast especially one presumes when trying to Prima che tu dica «Pronto» get off inside a brain imaging machineIt s clear that Nagoski wants to back up her ideas by using interviews with her clients to demonstrate how helpful these concepts can be And some interviews like this would indeed have been Sweeter Than Wine great books like Brett Kahr s Sex and the Psyche show how well clinical transcripts can work in books of this kind But pleading confidentiality issues Nagoski instead invents fictional couples who she says are composites of the many people she has treated in real life and the book is interspersed with transcripts of how these fictional people were fictionally treated Reading these made up conversations with made up couples who nod and Lady Ariana gasp appropriately at all her revelations is an exercise in pure frustrationThere were times when I wanted to throw this book across the room and it s only thanks to the Milk and Honey good fortune that I was reading it on my iPad that I was forced to press on Nevertheless there are small parts of it that I d like to cut out and circulate to everyone I know so it is an odd mix Parts of the book I mean not my iPad Nagoski is after all basically coming from the right place and talking about the right things and she s not afraid of making some big claims for her field eitherDo I think that living with confidence and joy and respecting everyone s sexual autonomy could play a role in preventing cancer solving the climate crisis or building world peace Yes actuallyNo way I can one star a book saying something as close to my heart as that And I Centerburg Tales: More Adventures of Homer Price guess if what you want is something therapeutic rather than just informative then this will fit the bill pretty well Still despite all the interesting material to be uncovered in here it is hard to shake off the vague feeling that you re The Substitute Bride getting a lecture on sexual dysfunction from a children s television presenterOct 2015

Emily Nagoski  1 FREE READ

FREE READ ï Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life DOWNLOAD Ò CHEM-MOSKOW.RU  Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski  1 FREE READ Rousal desire and orgasm Cutting edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life is not what you do in bed or how you do it but how you feel about it Which means that stress mood trust and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it Once you understand these factors and how to influence them you can create for yourself better sex and profound pleasure than you ever thought possibleAnd Emily Nagoski can prove it. Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is a nonfiction self help book written by sex educator researcher and author Emily Nagoski It educates about a variety of issues that impact women s sexuality and while some of it got uite repetitive in my opinion and I didn t uite take away as much new information as I expected to I m glad I read it My favorite part discussed how the model of sexual response is based entirely on how men work and if women fail to be like men they are often not considered sexually normal Any woman can tell you this isn t breaking news but I thought having a whole section themed with you are normal it s the world around you that s broken was incredibly validating I will forever and a day support women who choose the science field and I have a high appreciation for Ms Nagoski s reasons for writing this book in the first place Check it out My favorite uote When people ask me Am I normal They re asking Do I belong The answer is yes You belong in your body You belong in the world You ve belonged since the day you were born this is your home You don t have to earn it by conforming to some externally imposed sexual standard7616 I m actually super excited about this book No shame ladies learning is good

  • Paperback
  • 400
  • Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
  • Emily Nagoski
  • English
  • 15 September 2017
  • 9781476762098