( Free ) Awoken by Serra Elinsen ☆ Serra Elinsen

  • Kindle Edition
  • 325
  • Awoken by Serra Elinsen
  • Serra Elinsen
  • English
  • 01 October 2019
  • null

Serra Elinsen õ 0 Read

Awoken by Serra Elinsen Free read ¹ PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook Serra Elinsen õ 0 Read In his house at R’lyeh great Cthulhu lies dreaming of herWhat would you do if you discovered you were the only one in the world with the hidden power to keep it from utter annihilationWhat if you had no idea what that power might even beAndromeda Slate the self proclaimed most ordinary girl in Amer. May the bridge of the Lamb fall upon you

Free read É PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook õ Serra Elinsen

Awoken by Serra Elinsen

Awoken by Serra Elinsen Free read ¹ PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook Serra Elinsen õ 0 Read Ica can’t figure out why the gorgeous but mysterious new boy at high school seems to hate her so much It couldn't have anything to do with the strange dream she had the night before he first showed up in class could it The dream where the very same boy rescued her from a giant green tentacled sea m. This is The Room of literature First of all You re tearing me apart is literally a line in this book though it doesn t even begin to scratch the surface of some of the truly awful andor bizarre lines of dialogue in this workSecond of all this book is bad I mean really really bad In fact I don t think I recall reading anything remotely close to being this bad ever before in my life Why then the 5 star review Because very much like the Room this book is completely bat shit insane and hilarious Really the bat shit crazy premise and the reviews are what caught my attention in the first place because it is otherwise just your typical Twilight knock off with a bland uninteresting female premise with all the fake problems and insecurities in the world who becomes involved with dark mysterious handsome dashing supernatural otherworldly psychopath in a relationship that treads really close to abusive In the case of Awoken it undoubtedly does cross that line which Twilight only danced around The only difference is that the ethereal psycho in this case is the Elder God Cthullu Yes you read that correctlyIt was only 5 bucks on Kindle not significantly than it cost to watch Twilight on Rifftrax so I thought Sure why the hell notLet s start with Andromeda Andi Slate yes really She hates her life because he has pail skin and grey eyes Yes really Her parent work at a local university teaching Marine Biology a subject also taught at the local high school which Andi attends just go with it She had best friend like a brother did I mention he is my best friend named Vik ueue obligatory love triangle for later and another genuinely awesome and smart friend named Bree who happens to be overweight which the author feels the need to keep reminding you of by having her eat large uantities of food everytime you forget They are both genuinely good friends who try to give Andi real advice and emotional support whenever she is down unlike her Eldritch sueeze So naturally she s a bitch to them Oh and despite the fact that here parents are marine biologists and she s lived in beach town all her life she has an irrational fear of water because she fell off a boat when she went to go see whales once That is her repressed childhood memory that has scarred her for life Yes reallyThe plot kind of begins when Andi Bree and Vik read from the Necronimican which belong to Vik s parents who are archeologists of Cthulhu mythology because why the hell not So Cthulhu shows up as hot guy who wears FUBU and drives a BMW for no apparent reason as he can move in the space between space He stalks Andi for a bit makes a guy go insane for trying to get her to swim tells Andi she disgraced herself after she almost got raped by a black guy and a Hispanic guy did I mention this book is racist kidnaps her and binds her and calls her thinks like puny insignificant diminutive and itty bitty So naturally she falls head over heels in love with him They go on a date to New York and spend the night at the Plaza Hotel after they parked their car at the Plaza Hotel parking lot yes really Oh and they go see Phantom of the Opera because there is an oh so subtle Phantom theme throughout this whole thing He also dumps her at some point to protect her which makes for some great lines where he call her his usual variations of the phrase insignificant mortal and tells her she cannot comprehend reality and the cosmos and the unbearable lightness of being blah blah blah because she is a microscopic ant and follows this with lines like that is why I cannot go out with you and that is why I cannot take you to the Pumpkin Ball The Great Cthulhu everyone As he leaves her he warns her to consume not the Tylenol in excess Spoiler they end up together again in the endAnother character is the villiansubstitute Marine Biology teacher Scarlett Epistola yes really who has been so utterly scorned before in her life so she wants to scorn others and unleash a scorn apocalypse on the world Did I mention she is scorned The author is incredible vague what she means by scorned but both author and Andi are always uick to point out how much she looks acts and dresses like a slatterntrollopsuccubusharpy I m not sure but I think an auburn haired woman named Scarlett once pissed off the author This character definitely provides some of the best laugh out loud moments in the book This includes the climax which involved this character prancing around dressed like a video game trollop yes that really the term used although from the description it sounds like she came right off a Rocky Horror setwhile making catty remarks at Andi most of them involving scorn while Andi retorts by calling her a street woman This all happens during impending apocalypse btw She also literally calls her minions MinionsAnd amidst all this bat shit craziness is the character of Niel a truly genuinely unironically awesome character who seems WAYYYYY out of place in this type of novel So naturally he is given as little presence in the novel as possibleLong story short Andi the heroine bravely stops the end of the world not because she actually does anything substantial but because she makes Cthulhu falls in love with her Yes reallyFinal verdict This is so delightfully awesomely terrible It really is like the literary version of those so bad its good movies like Showgirls The Room Plan 9 from Outer Space etc There is also definitely a David Lynch Twin Peaks esue element to it in that on the surface it appears to be pretty straight forward and corny just your typical modern YA Romance but underneath the surface it s just waiting to devolve into complete insanity Honestly I suspect it may even be a joke It definitely seems to border on self parody at several points Then again there are some genuinely bizarre people out there Either way it s brilliant

Read Awoken by Serra Elinsen

Awoken by Serra Elinsen Free read ¹ PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook Serra Elinsen õ 0 Read OnsterAnd it couldn’t have anything to do with that time she read aloud from that ancient tome of eldritch magic the Necronomicon could itAndi Slate never imagined she’d find herself in a situation where somehow she was the key to saving the worldHer life is about to get a whole lot less ordinary. How dare this self proclaimed author smear Lovecraft s name by dishonoring his creations with such a piece of trash Sarah completely misinterpreted the brilliant lore and completely disregards the original content of Lovecraft s stories First of all Nyarlathotep the Crawling Chaos is an Outer God not a Great Old One Second the protagonist often calls Cthulhu her Great One a grievous error seeing that the Great Ones are actually a separate weaker pantheon of gods residing in Dreamlands under the protection of Nyarlathotep Sarah didn t even get the location right She mentions that the town Portsmouth in Rhode Island is in fact Innsmouth But Lovecraft clearly stated that the town Innsmouth is in Massachusetts in his works Also R lyeh is placed near the Pacific Pole of inaccessibility yet somehow Riley took Andromeda there in a gondola from Rhode Island Sarah even got the necronomicon wrong Apperently the Kitab al Azif is written in plain English by the mad poet in 8th century Of course it is also not locked away at Miskatonic University but given to a teenager instead Have you actually read any of Lovecraft s work Sarah